Boy have I been stressed the past couple weeks. I can't recall any one real big reason for my stress - just a lot of little things coming together at my doorstep, all with the intent on bringing me down. My wife took some time last night to sit and listen to my frustrations. It helped to get them out. Family, finances, overdue projects, car repairs, etc, etc, etc. Overall, I think I'm just at a place where I need to start letting go - let go of my worry, my fear, my depression, my wanting to control every circumstance around me. Anything that can slow me down, stop my progress, turn my mood for the worse - all of it needs to be kicked to the curb.
Tomorrow, the 30th, will be exactly 9 months since I was wrongfully fired from Pima Medical Institute. Exactly 9 months since my wife and I decided to trust that God knew what He was doing, and set out on this journey. We knew then it was time to go full tilt with my writing career. Since then, I have seen miracle after miracle of God's hand in our lives. My wife only works 27 hours a week as a nanny and brings in $10/hour. We have roughly $1700 in bills each month. Do the math. For the past 9 months, we have never missed a bill. Not a single one. That includes groceries, gas, credit card minimums, rent, utilities, phone, etc. That also includes us tithing 10%. Yes, we still tithe, even though we technically have more expense than income.
If that in itself is not a miracle, I'm not sure what is. Each month I ponder where our rent is going to come from. I run my projects during the week, trying to get my novels off the ground, trying to make some sales. I feel God directing each move I make. One month, rent comes from a birthday gift of cash that was given to me three months early. Another month, money appears mysteriously in our account due to a bank error. Even after the bank is alerted of this, the money is left there for us to put toward bills. Another month we find cash on the ground. The church steps in to help as does a local charity. Friends and family pitch in, books are sold - I could go on and on, but I'll save the richness of the stories for my future children, to prove to them how faithful God is. Like when the Israelites were told to create memorials so their children would know what they went through, these events are landmarks in the life of my wife and I, signs and wonders I can point to, to show my children - and those around me - where God came into the picture time and time again to help me along, to bring me along the path that would eventually lead to the dreams He instilled inside of me.
Now we come to the end of another month and I realize I am past the point of needing to just trust God with my finances. There is a need to trust him with where this road is leading to. I know my faith is stronger than I sometimes think it is, I know my purpose is etched in stone by a God that has been watching over me since before I was born. Writing is in my blood, it is hardwired within me. I know it is my purpose, one of the many reasons I was created.
As my wife and I enter the 10th month of this journey, God continues to show me He can do the impossible. What is the impossible anyway, but the attitude that something can't be done because we do not want to put the faith into believing it can be done? The Red Sea was once parted. Each month $1080 is turned into $1700. Amazed is what I am. Hopeful is what I'll continue to be. Faithful, He is, as always.
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