New Expired Reality Covers

With my announcement a couple weeks ago regarding my exit from the young adult genre and the pulling of the young adult labels from my Expired Reality series, I've been at work on some new cover designs for the series - simple, colorful, and easy to create as the Expired Reality series continues to grow over the course of the next decade - at least.

Here's the brand new cover I designed for Endangered Memories (book 1 in the series)

The new cover for Lost Birth (book 2 in the series)

And the new cover for Picture Perfect (a novella in the series)

What Jack Bauer Taught Me About Creating Compelling Characters

Anyone out there remember Jack Bauer? 24? It was - and is - only the greatest television show of all time.

I'll gush for a moment: I'm a total 24 addict. I was since the beginning of the first episode, and I continued to transform into full-blown fanboy geek by the time Fox aired the last episode of the eighth season. I own every DVD set including 24: Redemption - the made-for-TV movie, along with various comic books, graphic novels, soundtracks, TV Guides, and anything else that had to do with Jack Bauer, 24, or anything in the realm of those two things.

I was obsessed. I'll admit it. Still am a bit. A man crush? Maybe. I'm not ashamed.

Jack Bauer become my all-time favorite character...of all time. Of every book, comic book, television series and movie I ever subjected myself to in my lifetime, the character of Jack Bauer enthralled me more than any other.

Why?

Because his character was compelling. His character was edgy, tragic, heroic. The character of Jack Bauer fell somewhere in the gray area of morals and ethics. He did things he didn't want to do because he knew he had to do them if he wanted to succeed in his mission in keeping the world - and his home/family - safe and secure.

Jack Bauer tortures his brother, Graem.

Jack was an antihero of sorts. He rebelled against convention, he went up against the powers-that-be to unveil corruption at its vilest, and he risked the few for the many. He wrestled with the demons of his wife's death, he went up against his own brother and father who were corrupt, he killed an innocent government agent to appease a terrorist - and to save hundreds of people. He made the tough decisions you and I hope we never have to face in our lifetime. He wasn't just a good government/rogue agent - he was an effective agent. He got results, and didn't care what had to be done to achieve those results.

His character helped me in my own writing ventures. When I realized that 'good' characters aren't always good, it dawned on me that I had been raised to believe otherwise: good is good, bad is bad. There are definite boundaries that define the difference between the two, but when you're fighting terrorism at the level Jack was, where the bad guys don't play fair, where the lives of innocent people are on the line, a simple moral/ethic rulebook can't be followed. It has to be thrown out. One man - Jack Bauer - was there to save the day, save the world, even if he had to sacrifice part of himself and/or his relationships in the process.

Jack holds up a gas station - and takes a terrorist hostage!

Jack's character inspired me and helped influence some of the behavior of my own character, David Corbin, an ex-hero from my young adult, scifi-fantasy novel series. In one particular scene taken from Lost Birth, the second novel in the series, David, through a chain of events, finds himself in a jewelry store where the object he's been searching for - a necklace that is said to unlock an ancient timepiece that can save the world - is located. The cops and mall security are on him, and so he does the only thing he can faced with his impossible circumstances: he takes one of the jewelry store employees hostage. (My inspiration from this scene came from Jack's own actions in Season 4, episodes 3 and 4, when he holds up a gas station and takes hostages to buy himself time to catch some terrorists.) In doing so, David puts the jewelry store employee's life at risk, and in the end, his choice has tragic consequences.

I love characters like this. Characters who go beyond convention. Characters who aren't always fighting the bad guy with the twirling mustache, but are also fighting the everyday citizens who want to make the hero's day worse, fighting the demons within, fighting the very stereotype of what a hero is supposed to be.

Jack Bauer opened my eyes to the full potential my own characters can have. And even though 24 isn't airing on television anymore, he'll always be somewhere near my writing desk, adding to my muse.

The Email Newsletter is Back!

After the off again, on again, relationship with my email newsletter, I'm finally ready to committ to this thing and keep it going on a monthly basis. For those of you who signed up for it originally, you should receive the first 'new' issue in your email inbox by the 5th of February. Each subsequent newsletter will be released by the 5th of each month thereafter.

For those of you who haven't signed up yet, I reinstalled a subscription form on my website. Just head on over, input the email address you'd like to have the newsletter sent to each month, and voila!

Each issue will focus on three main things - writing, self-publishing, and 'geeky' things like video games and comics. I'll also use a portion of the newsletter to highlight other artists/writers and link back to their creations/websites.

February's newsletter will contain information about the end of my Black Earth series, the release of Lost Birth, an article on the challenge of video games, my reading challenge for 2012, and a highlight of writer/illustrator Thomas Barczak and reviewer Tiffany Cole.

Lost Birth: an Expired Reality novel is Now Available For Your Ereader!

I am more than happy to announce that Lost Birth, the second volume in my Expired Reality series (young adult sci-fi/fantasy) is available in ebook format for only $2.99. In the next month or so I'll be working on having it converted to paperback as well, but for now you can enjoy reading it on almost any Ereader device. And if you haven't read the first book in the series, Endangered Memories, you can grab a copy here. Have a great weekend everyone!

Lost Birth: an Expired Reality novel

The Swallower of Worlds—better known as Legion, a mysterious alien race that was responsible for destroying Earth long ago—has arrived on the planet of Anaisha. At least this is what Carrie Green is led to believe after awakening in an underground structure known as the Complex. Unsure if the information being fed to her is true or not, or why she is being worshiped as a deity by fanatical cult followers of the flame element, Carrie makes it her priority to escape the Complex and the clutches of a madman from her past.

David Corbin, the only man who may be able to save Anaisha from the cold grip of Legion, is on his way to Galtaia Penitentiary as a prisoner, escorted by the maniacal Agent Parks. Housing many of Anaisha’s most dangerous criminals, most of whom David helped put away, the prison, it seems, will become David’s crypt. But as allies and enemies continue to scramble to find the timepiece—an ancient artifact with unknown origins and powers—one person believes David to be the hero he was in the past and seeks to rescue him from his living nightmare to help save Anaisha from its own.

Available through:
Amazon Kindle
Barnes and Noble Nook
Smashwords (for other ereading devices)

Lost Birth Cover Peek

I am finally on the right track to finishing Lost Birth, the second book in my Expired Reality young adult series. Here's a sneak peek at some of the cover art for the book, illustrated by my good friend, Jelani Parham - www.akinink.com.

And here is an image of the timepiece from the books to be used for the back cover art when the paperback cover spread is done -

My goal is to finish the ebook edition of the book by Christmas and release it right after the start of the new year. After that, I'll work on the paperback edition, which always takes a little longer to format.

Full Steam Ahead

 

Now that Endangered Memories is out there for all the world to love or hate - and I have a website design that I can take pride in - I can move forward on the many other projects I've had on the burners for a while now, including the sequel to Endangered Memories, and even the third volume in the Black Earth series.

This week starts a very strict daily schedule I put together to make sure I stick to my goals and make progress each and every day. With that implemented, here's a rundown of what I'll be working on the next couple months.

1. My first priority is to format Picture Perfect and Endangered Memories for paperback release. I released them in ebook format first so readers could read them and because the paperback conversion process can take a while.

2. My second priority is getting Lost Birth, the sequel to Endangered Memories, finished. I just got my editor's edits back on it and now I have to sift through those and make some changes of my own before the manuscript will be ready for ebook format. I'm also working with my cover designer, Jelani Parham, on another awesome cover for the series.

3. My next task is to finish Dark Horizons, the third book in the Expired Reality series. I have about half of the manuscript written, but my goal is to hand off the complete draft to my editor in mid-July. That means I have to get my butt in the chair and get to writing!

4. Another item on my list is my email newsletter, The Lysallis Times. When my laptop bit the dust a few weeks ago, it took Microsoft Publisher with it and I don't have another copy. So, I'm going to be using Publisher Pro to put together my newsletter, but I sort of have to start from scratch when it comes to the design process.

5. Phew. I'm getting worn just writing these out. The final project on my list for this year is the third book in my Black Earth series, The Dark Lighthouse. (The title is tentative). The manuscript for this hasn't even been started yet, but my goal is to hand it off to my editor by the end of August, right before the baby is born. Can I pull it off? Sure can, but it's going to take a lot of hard work.

So, there you have it. In between all of this, I'm working on some new merchandise to post in my Zazzle store, running two blogs side by side - including a new one that details my family's walk of faith, and playing through the Xenosaga series on my PS2. A writer/gamer geek's work is never done.

What Is Going On?!

As hard as I've tried over the last week to get back on track with my projects, I have failed miserably. Most of last week - and even the week before - was taken up with personal matters, and my half-hearted attempt this last weekend to catch up with my writing and self-publishing agenda didn't pan out so well. Distractions just keep coming and I keep giving in to them, disappearing off the map to take care of things that aren't going to move me forward in my writing career.

No more. I have cordoned off this week to get myself back in the game and back in line with my projects and all of their deadlines.Here are a few updates -

As I write this, my good friend, Jelani Parham, is sketching out the cover design for Endangered Memories - the first book in my upcoming young adult series - which I still plan on releasing in June. I have seen his initial sketches and I dropped my jaw on the table I was so impressed. He has truly captured the heart of my story in his illustrations and I cannot wait to reveal more to all of you in the next week or so.

Lost Birth - the second volume in my young adult series - is in the middle of being professionally edited. I plan to release the final product in July sometime.

I am getting back into writing Dark Horizons - the third book in my upcoming series - and hope to have the initial draft finished in the next few weeks. I am setting a personal goal of 7,000 words per day, which I plan to meet at any cost.

For those of you signed up with my email newsletter, I apologize that it's been months since I sent one out, but my goal is to have another issue out the door by the end of this month. If you want to sign up for my free email newsletter, head to http://www.davidnalderman.com/contact.htm.

On another note, I know that some of you started following this blog because I used to post about the incredible journey of faith that my wife and I have been on since I was fired from my job as a data entry specialist almost two years ago. I haven't posted much about that in this blog because I know a good portion of my crowd now comes to read about writing or self-publishing. So I've decided to create an entirely separate blog where I will be detailing much of what has been going on over the last couple years. The blog will be very personal and candid and something I hope to turn into a non-fiction book sometime in the future. For those who want to follow, you can check it out at  - http://www.ofdreamsandfaith.blogspot.com. I haven't posted anything there yet, but I do plan to by next week.

Now, sorry to shut the door in your face, but I have to get back to work.;)

Lost Birth Is Off To The Editor

 

Well, it was close, but I made my deadline and finished revisions/rewrites to Lost Birth last night. I just hit SEND on the email transfering it to the very capable hands of my editor, and now it feels like a huge burden just lifted from my shoulders. Isn't that how it usually feels when one finally finishes a manuscript?

Now that the book is out of my hands, it's time for some R & R. Heading to California for a little bit to see family and get out of this heat. Supposed to be 95 here in Arizona this coming weekend, but only 69 where we're heading. :)

Next week I will be starting work on Dark Horizon, the third book in the young adult series I will be releasing this summer. I also got back edits to Endangered Memories, the first book, so I'll be working on those at the same time. I'll also be getting back to posting, and to my usual marketing efforts. I hate having to put everything to the side to have finished Lost Birth, but it was a necessity.

I'll see all of you when I come back. Enjoy the weekend!

Approaching The Finish Line

I posted last week about my progress on Lost Birth, the second volume in my upcoming young adult sci-fi/fantasy series, and I am very near to approaching the completion of this draft so I can send it off to my editor. My editor just handed me her edits on the first volume in the series, Endangered Memories, so things are right on track for a summer release of the first three volumes in this series.

Because of how close I am to finishing Lost Birth - and the fact that I am going on vacation toward the end of this week - my posts are getting put on the back burner until I return toward the end of next week. I really wanted to do a writing prompt today, but I ended up working a twelve hour day on my revisions on Saturday, so I wasn't able to write up anything new.

Writing prompts will be back starting Monday, April 25th, as will the rest of my posts on self-publishing and writing. When I return from my vacation, I will be starting work on the third volume in my young adult series, and I'll also be working on the next email newsletter issue. Click here to sign up for it.

Some great things are coming down the line! Hope to see you all on the other side. For now, I'm crawling back into my writing cave to finish this up...

Finishing Up Lost Birth

I know I have been in the habit of posting on self-publishing on Wednesdays and writing on Fridays, but for the rest of this week I'm going to be hiding in a cave (or library), trying to get Lost Birth finished, so you probably won't see any more posts from me for the rest of the week.

Lost Birth, for those who don't know yet, is the second volume in my upcoming young adult sci-fi/fantasy series coming out this summer. I am already behind on my goals for the year - planned on having the third volume done and in my editor's hand by now - but it's not a big deal. Life happens. We gotta roll with the punches.

So, I'll be spending most of my time either in my office, at the public library, or at the local coffee shop trying to bust out this novel before the middle of next week, when I have to hand it off to my editor.

In the meantime, if you want to check out one of the characters from my upcoming YA series, check out the novella I put out a little while ago - Picture Perfect. You can find it here at my website - http://www.davidnalderman.com/picture_perfect.htm - where you'll find links to purchase it for various ebook readers. Only 99 cents, and it's been getting some pretty good reviews.

Wish me luck, and I'll see you all on the other side. I'll be back for sure this coming Monday with another writing prompt. ;)

A Bit Of Catch Up

Usually on Fridays I try to post about my fiction and/or my writing process. Today though I don't have much to post because I've been trying to complete my latest project, Lost Birth. Lost Birth is the second volume in my upcoming young adult sci-fi/fantasy series, and I'm already behind on the deadline I set to give it to my editor. So, I've been pushing hard the last couple days to reach my new deadline of April 13th.

This young adult series is a much bigger undertaking than I originally thought it would be. Originally self-published back in 2007, the first couple books in my young adult series were given great praise over the storyline and characters, but great criticism over the grammar and editing. This was my primary reason for wanting to revise the books. But revisions have turned into rewrites and the project is taking a bit longer than I expected.

That's okay though. I'd rather create something of quality and get it out in due time than rush a project out the door and regret it. My editor should be giving me back her edits to the first volume in the series, Endangered Memories, in the next couple weeks. And after I hand Lost Birth off to her, I will start work on the third volume in the series, Crystal City. I only have a draft of that one done - it's not a complete novel yet - but I am still aiming for a summer release for all three titles.

Meanwhile, in between writing sessions, I've been trying to stay caught up with blog posts and marketing efforts. I'm in the middle of writing a guest post for The Inner Bean on what I've learned from reviews. I'm also still on the hunt for those willing to read and review the books I have already released. As a self-published author, each review I get - regardless of the criticism - is like finding a little gold coin. And it seems sometimes they are about as hard to come by.

Amidst all the writing and marketing, I'm also getting jazzed about the coming baby. My wife and I find out this Monday if we are having a boy or a girl. I am hoping for a little girl. Team Eden all the way!

Okay, enough blogging. I have to get back to work. I'll be back on Monday with the weekly writing prompt as always. :)

Sample Of Lost Birth Revisions

 

I've been working a lot lately on Lost Birth, the second volume in my upcoming young adult novel series to be released this summer. Lost Birth was originally self-published back in 2007, but now that I've grown more comfortable with my writing style, I'm revising the entire series.

A little while ago I posted an example of what the revisions are looking like to Endangered Memories (the first volume in this series), and I figured I'd give everyone a glimpse of some of the revisions I'm dealing with right now with Lost Birth.

Here is an excerpt from the original version of Lost Birth. In it, Carrie Green meets the man who has abducted her into his cult sanctuary known as the Complex. In the original version, Carrie is a bit timid and confused by things. In the revision, I decided I wanted her to have stronger characteristics and more of an attitude. She is a hero who helped save the world in the past and has been kidnapped and taken to a place she knows nothing about. I doubt she would take that lying down.

Excerpt - Expired Reality Lost Birth
Carrie eyed the guards for a moment, recognizing them from a past memory…a memory of a hotel and an explosion. These can't be the same ones, can they? Just a strange coincidence, right? Her heart started to beat rapidly, as if she was facing a nightmare she had been fearing her whole life.

"We’re here to see the Master. Tell him the Marked One has awoken."

Both of the guards turned and pulled the mammoth black doors open to a reveal a small inner sanctum.

"Go ahead, Carrie. I'll be waiting out here to help you back to the rooms after you speak to the Master."

Carrie stood for a moment, staring at the girl, and then shook her head warily as she passed through the doorway. The doors creaked and popped as they slammed shut behind her. She stood facing a small stone bench at the top of three layers of stone flooring. Small stone pillars at the top were burning with blue flames, and a large mural inscription on the wall behind them was glowing with marvelous colors of light.

Carrie walked up the layers and stopped in front of the fire. She examined the mural on the wall, trying to make some sense of the place. Etched in blue light was a small stick figure, a red pinwheel etched above it. Next to the figure was a hexagonal item with a glowing green center. Next to that was what looked like a large temple. Floating above the temple was what Carrie could only guess to be a book of some sort. Rays shot out from the book and arched over to dark clouds that hovered over what looked like dead stick figures strewn across each other.

"Strange," she whispered to herself.

"The truth usually is."

She turned around swiftly, realizing she wasn't ready to see what was before her eyes. "Wha--"

"Surprised?"

"Ryc?! What--" Carrie backed up against one of the small pillars as Ryc Waterford, adorned in a shining black robe with the strange symbol on the front, started up the layers toward her. "I…I saw you die. I pushed you off the chopper myself. How did you survive?"

He rubbed his bald head with one hand, his icy blue eyes peering out at her with an evil she hadn't seen in so long. "A loaded question. One I don't have time to explain to you. Not yet, anyway. And while you are in my house, you will refer to me as the Master, Ruler of the Elements."

"The elements?"

He laughed. "You will know the answers in time, my dear. You will learn a lot in your time here."

"Why have you brought me here? What do you want with me?"

"What I've always wanted." He stopped a layer below hers.

"No. David--"

"David is dead.” He rolled his eyes. “This time, he is actually dead and there is no bringing him back. Any wild notions you may have of your hero rescuing you this time should be discarded right here and now."

“I don't believe you. I don't believe that David is dead and nothing you or your followers around here tell me will change that belief, understand me?"

"Hm. Yet, you have doubt. I can sense it in your voice." He sneered. "You can believe what you want. Believe what you want, but I’ll even have his corpse delivered here so you can see for yourself. Of course, I imagine that might get a little emotional for you. Carrie, you are mine now. You are in my domain, in my home, and this is where you'll stay until the day your spirit is swept back into the elements."

"No, I won't stay here. My friends will rescue me or I'll make sure I die before I live in this stone prison with you!" Carrie started down the layers. Before she could pass him, he reached his arm out and grabbed her bicep, squeezing it like it was a squeaky dog toy.

His lips came up to her ear as he tightened his grip. "Understand that you are my property now. You are the Marked One and you won't be allowed back to the surface ever again. If they find you," his voice deepened and came out raspy and strong as the grip on her arm tightened to match, "if the wrong people get a hold of you, they will have hold of a power they do not understand. You are a key in the hands of some, a weapon in the hands of others, and a curse within yourself."

She turned her head, snarling. "Let go of me.” She struggled her arm out of his grip, the skin red and raw. “You need to understand that if you ever decide to lay a hand on me again, I'll make sure it's the last. I’m not the same fragile girl I used to be."

He scoffed. "You’re more fragile than ever before! I brought you here to protect you from your own terrible destiny because you don’t have the sense to do it yourself. Simple as that."

"Since when do you even care for my well being? I will leave this place sooner or later and I will find David and we will destroy you once and for all. That is a promise!"

He smiled at her. "No. No, you won't." He grabbed her wrist, turning it over to the underside. "This will make sure you don't leave me this time. That detonator has been strategically implanted in your wrist. If you leave, I will set it off and your arteries will explode inside your arm, killing you. And I doubt you’ll want to dig it out yourself. You always loved life a little too much to do anything that drastic."

Carrie stared into his deep eyes. The ocean blue gaze made her feel like she was drowning. The hope she had partnered with her adrenaline was now gone and all she had left was despair. He was right. She couldn't escape without him finishing her off and she couldn't take out the implant herself without slitting her own wrist.

"I sense you finally understand the situation, Carrie. Go, check out your sleeping quarters. Get some rest. You’ve been through a lot. Your first lesson in the truth will be starting within the hour."

"Lesson?"

"Yes. We're going to teach you the truth about Anaisha and the truth about yourself, about your curse. The one that has sealed your destiny in a most disgusting way."

"I want to leave."

"Go, rest." Ryc grabbed her arm again and pulled her to the doors. They opened wide and the girl named Rio quickly joined her side, pulling her out of the inner sanctum.

"You can't do this!" Carrie shouted toward the closing doors, Ryc’s face disappearing behind them. "No!!!" Carrie broke from Rio's grip and ran to the doors, pounding on the black surface with her fragile fists. The cloaked guards grabbed her by the arms and tossed her to the ground. She tumbled, hitting her head on the marbled tile. She lay there for a moment, her eyes closed, trying to rid herself of the dull pain.

"Carrie? Are you okay?" Rio bent down and rubbed her back. "We need to get you to your quarters."

Carrie lifted her sore head and stood up, a disgusted look on her face. Rio took her gently by the arm as they started back through the archway and down the hallway.

“Why do you buy into this?” Carrie rubbed the lump growing on her head as they approached the cafeteria.

“What is so appealing about him or this place that you would give up your life to serve him? You don’t know that man like I do, if he can even be considered a man."

Rio looked at her, disgusted at the comments and even more disgusted at Carrie's tone. "You don't understand yet, but you will. This will be your new home, just like it is mine." They stopped as she waved her hand toward the open doorway to the cafeteria. Carrie looked in at the long tables, white robes filling them up, going about their business of eating.

An angry look shot across her face as she stormed through the doorway and stopped at the end of one of the long rectangular tables. The people looked up from their food to notice the Marked One standing feet from them. They all bowed their heads down toward the table in reverence. Carrie watched their strange actions and realized they had been taught to act this way toward her, as if she was some sort of symbol of their culture, something that they didn't see everyday but had longed for their whole lives.

"Stop bowing! Stop bowing down and go back to eating, talking, whatever you were doing!" After the words left Carrie's mouth, she realized they weren't going to listen to her. "This is some sort of brainwashing cult, people! Don't you understand? This isn't your home, this isn't--" Carrie felt one arm wrap around her waist from behind and another hand wrap around her mouth to silence her.

Rio's voice was hot and harsh on her ears. "Keep your forked tongue in your mouth if you want to stay alive in this place." Carrie broke free from the woman's grip and spun around to face her. The woman's eyes were fire-red to match her outfit. Her fiery red nails extended at her side like claws. She was like a giant flame, seething with anger toward Carrie. "You may be the Marked One, but you still have to follow the same rules of respect and courtesy as everyone else here. You aren't some kind of princess, you are a weapon and you will be silenced if need be, like all weapons should be.”

Carrie turned back and noticed everyone at the table had gone back to eating. They were minding their own business again, as if nothing had happened. She turned back to Rio, her finger pointed, the end inches from the woman’s face. "You aren't keeping me here for long. I don't care what you or Ryc or any of these people here say, David will rescue me or I will find a way out of here."

"David is--"

"You better shut your mouth!" She grabbed the front of Rio's outfit and shoved the girl to the floor. The woman fell on her back, her eyes burning with fury. "You better shut your mouth and never utter those words again." She pointed down to Rio as each person in the cafeteria stood to their feet. The shuffling caused her to turn back around, just in time to see two figures in black cloaks make their way toward her from the back of the room. They stopped in front of Carrie, heads bent down.

"Fool! You've disturbed the shadow guards by threatening me!" Rio stood to her feet.

"I don't care!" She faced the woman again. "I'm not afraid of you or your guards or your Master. You've messed with the wrong girl and when the chance presents itself, you’ll pay."

Rio's lips hissed as her left eyebrow arched upward. "You still don't get it. You still don't understand. I was hoping you would have some sort of compassion on us or even Anaisha, but you don't. All you care about is yourself. You care about your own well being and not the well being of these people around you. Do their lives not matter? Do you only help those you feel like helping?"

Carrie felt a quick snap of guilt run through her and then she quickly realized it was the woman's intention to make her feel that way. These people aren't my responsibility. I didn't ask to come here. Ryc has never had the intention of helping anyone but himself.

Rio shook her head. “You had better cooperate or I’ll detonate the explosive in your wrist myself."

She had forgotten about that up to now. She glanced down at her wrist and saw the inch-long incision scar. She figured it may be in her best interest to bring her attitude down a notch, just until she could figure out what these people were up to.

"Come with me, Carrie. I will show you to your room."

She took one last look at the people before her, wondering what they had been told to alter them into this state of mindlessness.

Rio grabbed Carrie's shoulder and pulled her around toward her. "These people are counting on you to stop the world from being destroyed. Don't let them down."

“And how can I be expected to help them?”

Rio smiled, as if she was glad Carrie had asked. “By staying here. You being out there in the world will be the destruction of us all.”

Carrie was escorted back to her room.  It was a small stone space with a twin bed covered in black sheets, a small coffee table with a lamp, and a three-foot high pillar with a blue flame escaping out the top of it. The wall to the right of her bed had a large etching of their cult symbol glowing in colored light.

"This is where you'll stay. Your lesson will begin in about twenty minutes."

Carrie reached out and grabbed the girl’s hand. "Rio, don't you see what is going on here is wrong? This is some sort of cult. Ryc isn't your friend, he's your enemy, and he's got all of you brainwashed."

Rio pulled away. Her eyes started to glow a fiery crimson again. "You are the Marked One, Carrie, that is why I will at least attempt to understand why you say such things, but please do not speak of my Master that way. He has done nothing but help us by directing us in a path of peace and balance. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression ‘Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.’ And stop using that term, brainwashing. These people are all here voluntarily, except you, of course. No one can afford to have you out there in the world. Even the world itself cannot afford it."

"He tried to kill me and the man I love."

"I’ve heard the story. Pure inanity. You pushed him out of a helicopter and then claimed yourself a hero because of it."

"Well, that’s a twisted point of view, but I did push him out of the chopper to save David’s life."

"I understand that because you’re the Marked One, you’ll feel the need to sacrifice others to please the elemental spirits within you, that’s why you tried to kill him. But the spirits would not accept your sacrifice and he survived and you must take that as instruction to better your own life."

"Spirits? Look, you need to help me get out of here. I need to find my friends."

"No." She stepped backward into the hall and waved to the side as the stone door slid shut, sealing Carrie in.

She walked to the bed and fell back on it, distraught over the events that had taken place since she had awoken.

- End of Excerpt -

And here is the revised draft I've come up with so far. This hasn't been professionally edited yet, nor have I done a final run through, but it's as close to the final product as I'm going to get right now.

Excerpt - Lost Birth, an Expired Reality novel

Rio stopped Carrie in the middle of the corridor. “I would hope you would keep your ill tongue from speaking anything blasphemous against the Dered. He is a kind man. He’s given you food and shelter and rescued you from the outside world. You owe him your life.”

“I don’t owe anyone anything,” Carrie snapped. “I just want to find out why I’m here.”

If she was irritated with Carrie’s tone, Rio didn’t show it. She simply smiled, those ruby red lips plump and jovial, and escorted Carrie to the guards. “She is here to see the Derad.”

The guards both turned in unison to open the double doors. Carrie remembered seeing cloaked beings like this back at a dance so many years ago. They couldn’t be the same ones though, could they? Shadow Fighters. It was a term David had given to them.

“I’ll be waiting here, Carrie. When you are done speaking with the Derad, I’ll show you to your quarters.”

Carrie walked through the doorway and entered a small, inner sanctum. The doors shut behind her. The floor went a few feet before elevating into a set of stairs that went up to a very small, stone throne which almost touched the ceiling. Blue candle flames burned from sconces upon the walls.

If she wasn’t completely claustrophobic before, she was now. This room seemed like something out of one of the optical illusion books Carrie read as a child, with steps that led to nowhere. Seeing nobody in the little chamber, she turned around to open the door when a cold breeze moved past her cheek.

“Please,” a voice moaned. “Please, don’t go.”

Carrie looked up at the throne again, at a man sitting in it. He wasn’t there a second ago.

“Come up here, please.”

There was a blue glow in the man’s eyes. His head was bald with strange symbols drawn upon the front of it. From where she stood, which is what she considered to be a safe distance from him, she couldn’t make out the symbols, or the exact face of the man.

“I’ll stay right here, if you don’t mind.”

He sat there for a moment in silence.

“I do mind. Please, come up here so I can get a better look.”

“There’s no reason you should be looking at me. Tell me why I’m here.”

He rubbed his chin with long skeletal fingers. “Why you are here is a very important question. Probably the most important.”

“So answer it.”

“That...that I can do. You are here so I can safeguard you from the outside world. You see, you are the Ancient Key.” He stood up from the throne and began slowly making his way down the stairs. He wore a long black cloak which seemed to trail behind him like a drift of smoke. “Prophecies. That is why you’re here. The prophecies speak of you, of your mark.”

Is he referring to my birthmark, the one on my shoulder blade? The red pinwheel?

“You are the key to a great evil that must not be unleashed upon this land. You are also the key to a great good that must also not be unleashed upon the land. You see, you must be kept away from both good and evil, to keep balance and harmony to this world we live in.”

As he drew closer to her, she felt the urge to scramble out of the chamber. There was something dark emanating from him, something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She just felt...sick. Overwhelmed by fear. That blue glow in his eyes came closer, paralyzing her with its radiance. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he began walking, very slowly, toward her.

“Don’t fear me. You’ve feared me in the past and  it did you no good.”

The past?

When he was within five feet of her, Carrie suddenly realized who he was. The guards outside clued her in, but now, staring into those icy pupils, she knew the enemy that stood before her.

“Ryc.”

He held his arms out, as if he wanted to hug her. She stepped back a few feet, touching the surface of the doors with her fingertips.

“Carrie Green. It flatters me to find out you remember me after all this time.”

She could see the marks on his head clearly now. Her pinwheel symbol was drawn in black ink in the middle of his forehead and the top of his head was scribed with strange symbols and characters she didn’t recognize. Carrie turned and grabbed for the door handles. Before she could pull one open, she felt his hand on her shoulder and she almost leaped out of her robe. His other hand came down on the other shoulder, the weight of his touch anchoring her to the floor.

His soft voice slithered into her ears like black eels. “Just relax. Relaaaax.”

She felt her body release its tension, her muscles melting under his touch. Dread filled her spirit to know he was using such powerful magic on her. She wondered what he would do with her in this state. Unable to move. Unable to control her own will.

“I need you to stay caaalm. Just listen to what I have to saaay.”

She nodded. He took his hands off her and stepped away. She turned toward him, her body moving involuntarily. She felt as a marionette might feel with the strings being pulled from the top of its form, turning it left and right with no regard to what direction the marionette might want to go.

“Now, we may have been enemies in the past, you and I. But that is no longer the case. I have worked very hard to bring you here, to protect you and keep you safe. This is your home now. I will give you time to get to know me, to get to know my assistant, Rio. There are others I wish you to meet, but that won’t happen today. I am sure this is a lot to take in, so I will give you the time you need to let everything sink in.”

“David.” It was the only word she found herself thinking. David would rescue her. David would find her and tear Ryc apart  piece by piece. He had saved her once from this madman, he would do it again. David –

“David is dead, my dear. My naive, fragile Carrie Green. The man you thought you were in love with for so long is dead. I know, I tried to kill him so long ago, but that was to protect you. He wants you to stay out there, with the heretics and heathens. I want to keep you safe, to keep you behind closed doors where the rest of the world can’t see you, can’t hurt you.”

Carrie took a deep breath and forced her arms to move. They wobbled at her side. Her legs started to walk forward, but buckled, throwing her to the floor.

Ryc shook his head, lifting her up by the arms. When she was standing again, he shook his head at her. “My magic isn’t meant to control you. But, I will use it to keep you in place while I say what I have to say.”

“A madman who thinks he’s a magician.”

Ryc laughed. “Madman? No. Not a madman. A pioneer. A bringer of truth.”

Carrie shook her head. “You are a madman. And I’m going to escape this place one way or another and find David. Or David’s going to find me. If that’s the case, you’re going to be sorry.”

“He tried to kill me before. Remember that? Threw me off a helicopter. But here I stand, before you, alive and more than well. He won’t kill me. He’s dead.” Ryc lunged at her, grabbing her wrist, shoving the scar in her face. “You won’t be going anywhere! I’d rather see you die than see those monsters in the outside world get their hands on you again. David is gone! Veronica is gone! Everyone you knew is gone. This is your new home!” Ryc pushed her against the doors. They swung open as she fell backwards to the floor between the two guards.

“Get her out of here! Take her to her quarters and make sure nobody is disturbed by her constant ramblings!”

The doors slammed shut as the shadow guards stood  at attention, staring down at her from behind void faces. Carrie stood to her feet, brushing herself off. 

“You okay?” Rio asked.

“How can you possibly believe the lies of that madman?”

Rio led her back into the hallway as they made their way toward the living quarters. “Madman? The Derad is a noble man, fully capable of leading us into a new future.”

“Give me a break. You really believe that crap that’s coming out of your mouth? His name is Ryc Waterford. He tried kidnapping me years ago, even tried to kill the man I love. If you think for one second I’m going to believe a single word that comes out of his mouth, you have another thing coming to you.”

“Ryc Waterford? Well, his name doesn’t really matter. My real name isn’t Rio. Rio is my perfect name, and Ryc – or the Derad – has no name now, only his title.”

Carrie stopped in the middle of the hallway, throwing her arms in the air. “You really think I care what his real name is? You really think I care that all of you misled people have chosen to follow a demon into the pits of the Depths?” She lowered her arms, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself down. “I don’t care. I want out of here, now!”

Rio snarled. “You don’t understand anything yet. But you will. Soon. If you want to share you thoughts about this place to the Derad, that’s fine. But out here, where followers of the fire  element are busy studying and worshipping, you will keep that forked tongue in your mouth.”

“Or what?”

Red stood so close to Carrie’s face, Carrie could smell the woman’s bitter breath, probably from the  mushroom glaze. “You may be the Ancient Key. If the Derad believes you are, then I will accept that. What I won’t accept is your insubordinance.”

“I don’t have to take orders from anyone in here. I am under my own free will. I stopped taking orders from people when I decided to leave Jerad. You really fought my way out of his clutches just to stumble into yours? Don’t think for two seconds that your empty threats mean anything to me. You won’t kill me. Ryc won’t let you. He’s infatuated with me. He used to stalk me. The walls of his house were covered with pictures of me, and he even had a shrine set up in his garage, dedicated to me. ME.”

“The Derad worships  the elements. Nothing more. You are a mere mortal.”

Carrie grinned. She thought she had caught on to feelings of lust Rio had toward Ryc earlier. The way she mentioned him as the Derad, the way she took offense whenever Carrie spoke ill of him. It was time to use that to her advantage. “All he thinks about, all he’s really dedicated his life to is me. I am the object of his out-of-control desire.”

Rio bared her teeth and grabbed the front of Carrie’s cloak, shoving her against the wall. “You whip that tongue of yours out one more time, and I’ll cut it out of your head. Ryc may need you, but he certainly doesn’t need your tongue.”

Carrie grabbed Rio’s wrists and pulled her hands away from her chest. Then she pushed Rio back a few steps and drew away from the wall. “Don’t lay your fingers on me again.”

Rio crossed her arms in front of her chest, the silver bangles shining under the lights. Carrie watched as the woman tried to compose herself, attempted to control her emotions. She was definitely infatuated with Ryc, for reasons Carrie neither understood nor found all that important.

“You are a weapon, Carrie. A weapon. I want you to realize that above all else. Doesn’t matter what Ryc – the Derad – has done to you in the past. I don’t care. What I do care about is the safety of the followers, the preservation of this world, and the will of the elements. I need you to feel compassion for the people around you. Do their lives not matter because they believe in something you don’t?”

“Show me to my quarters. I’d like to get some rest now.”

Rio scoffed. “Very well.” She led them down the hallway Carrie had guessed earlier to be the living quarters. Stopping in front of  one of the metal doors, she waved her hand toward it and it opened to a small room inside. “This is where you will reside.”

Until I escape, Carrie reminded herself. She stepped inside as the door slid shut behind her, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Inside the small space, they had managed to fit a twin bed covered in black sheets, a small coffee table with a lamp, and a three foot high pillar in the corner that had a normal-colored flame escaping from the top of it.

On the wall to her right hung a large painting of a strange beast Carrie had never seen before. It looked to be a dragon, but it had three heads – two of which were human. The middle head resembled a dragon’s, but there were horns protruding from the top and its tongue lolled from its mouth like an exhausted rubber hose. In the background stood tall trees, the leaves of which were a dark blue. Behind those trees, peering above the landscape, rose what looked like black pillar or tower, the top of which disappeared into the fluffy white clouds that had been painted quite recklessly in the sky. 

An inscription in the bottom of the frame read, “Slipheed, God of Pandemonium, Destroyer of Worlds. Circa 1942.”

Slipheed? Carrie went to the opposite wall where another  picture hung depicting a cluster of planets. Carrie looked closer and saw what she thought might be a black hole in the midst of them. One of the planets, the closest to the black hole, was tearing apart, chunks of the surface slipping into the void. The inscription read, “The Black, Swallower of Worlds. Circa 1912.”

Carrie turned to the bed, feeling a bit worn down. She understood the paintings as well as she understood why anyone would follow after Ryc. She knew what he was capable of. Well, thought she knew what he was capable of. How could he still be alive after she saw him fall from the helicopter? Nobody could have survived that. Nobody.

Sliding onto the bed, Carrie crossed her arms underneath her head and stared at the stone ceiling, the blue flame light dancing across its surface. She devised a plan in her head. A plan of escape. She would get some rest. Let Rio’s anger die a bit, let Ryc’s passion build. If Carrie could get him to trust her, she would be able to manipulate him into doing what she wanted him to, which was help her escape.

- End of Excerpt - 

Revisions And Rewrites For Lost Birth

I've been working on the revisions to Lost Birth (the second book in my upcoming young adult series, Expired Reality) for a few weeks now, and I'm catching a lot of the things that were originally wrong with the book and prevented it from reaching the potential it could have when I first tried to self-publish it years ago.

In the first novel in the series, Endangered Memories, (which is currently being looked at by my editor), I had to make major changes in regards to world building. I had to infuse the planet of Anaisha with religion, proper geography, more believable government, and even more wildlife. Once these things were sorted out in book one, the changes just needed to be brought over into book two.

Well, there's a lot more work involved when it comes to book two. When I originally wrote Lost Birth, the novel came out to 200 pages - 100 pages shorter than book one. I did a rush job to get the story out there and the story floundered in many places because of it.

As I go through Lost Birth now though, I'm finding the major points that need work -

Settings-
There are many locations in Lost Birth that need a good overhaul.

Galtaia Penitentiary, originally named Southshard Prison, is the home of some of the most notorious criminals in the world of Anaisha. The first time I described this location, I was very limited in what details I gave to describe this mammoth setting. I didn't really think too hard in terms of what kind of security a mega prison should have, how the inmates would react if the one who put them away for life showed up as a prisoner himself, or how the building itself was situated in regards to the continent. I originally placed it near a highly populated area. I've since taken care of these finer details, even putting the prison complex on a solitary island. 

The Elemental Complex of the Fire Arts (tentative name) is where Carrie Green awakens and finds herself face to face with an old enemy and an entire community of cult believers, who worship the elements and an ancient prophecy that ties in with Carrie's reasons for being there. Originally I made the underground construct extremely plain, with black walls and signs on the walls that told Carrie where the cafeteria, showers or library was. The library in itself, along with the temple where the followers go to worship the elements, came out looking like they were formed with a cookie cutter and lacked any real interesting details.

Now the complex sports a new look, including a massive dining hall, more detailed living quarters,and an athenaeum (library) that rivals most of Earth's. I am also in the middle of designing a much more believable and more interesting temple of worship.

The South Ryshard Home for Orphaned Girls is where Kimberly Setterson is taken, and where the Drain Sisters - a maniacal group of sadistic bullies - are introduced. This location had an okay amount of detail the first time around, but really only described one room of the orphanage along with a secret underground chamber that housed an ancient artifact.

This time around, I'm going to pull the reader into the other levels of the facility, including the basement where the Drain Sisters do most of their torture on the other kids of the orphanage, and the dining area where all the kids come together for their three meals during the day. I want to go into details regarding where Madame Prinnicle, the operator of the orphanage, goes to spend her time when she's not scolding the kids she has in her care.

Story -
The main problem I have found with Lost Birth is the lack of story. It has a plot, it has purpose, and the characters of the book walk out that purpose, but I really skipped key scenes that could have been implemented in the original version. This lack can be contributed to me rushing through the manuscript and being in a hurry to get it out the door.

From a writer's standpoint, I have been guilty in the long ago past of skipping scenes if I wanted to get one of my characters from one place to another and not really give a lot of detail in between. That's great for certain plot elements - sometimes even necessary - especially if you want to quicken the pace of the book. But going back through Lost Birth I've noticed that I did that a bit too much and lost some great opportunities to give more background on the once crooked cop, Sandra Meldramine, the evil and twisted Drain Sisters of the orphanage, and even of little billy, a young boy who lives in the orphanage, running around the building in a pillowcase cape stealing food from the dining hall. These characters never got their true fifteen minutes of fame, so this run through I'm expanding their scenes and giving more background into who they are, why they do what they do, and where they might be headed in the series.

The worst of these instances is with my character, Sean Amorou, Veronica Amorou's twin brother. He's mentioned as part of the protagonists main group of friends, but isn't seen anywhere in book one. That's fine, because that falls in line with the plot. But in Lost Birth, I wrote him in for one scene and then neglected bringing him back on stage until book three. I'm currently working on some new scenes that will pull him into Lost Birth more and help him connect with my readers on a greater level.

Another issue I've pinpointed in Lost Birth is the end of the book. The final chapter has an intense denouement, but the book lacked the build-up of climax before the payoff. The character that is involved in the ending (which I won't give away) never really had any scenes throughout Lost Birth, let alone book one. So the reader never had a real emotional connection to them, which led to a watery fallout. To rectify this, I'll be adding more scenes with this character throughout Lost Birth, and even go into some of their character background and the complexities of their relationship with my protagonist.

Finer Details -
I found while scavenging through book one that I lacked the little things that make a fictional world a believable and engaging world. So I created more fantastic vegetation, mentioned geographic locations to give the reader a better understanding of the world, and even gave more details to the world's financial system to give the reader a clear sense that this was a living, breathing world and not a Styrofoam knockoff good only for a kid's astronomy project.

In Lost Birth, I've found myself reveling in even smaller details. Food for instance. In the elemental complex, Carrie is originally asked if she wants to eat mushrooms or tofu. She gags at that idea and the scene is finished in regards to that. This time around, I had her sit down and see the food she was being offered. A mushroom cap found in hidden groves in the Serlin Mountains. Square-shaped nuts found in the Great Forests of Lindor. She gags when she sees the black glaze poured over the mushroom, and even though she's a self-proclaimed vegetarian, she finds herself willing to eat some type of meat instead of the strange concoction she's been offered. The changes to this scene give more detail into the geography of the world, the food of the culture, and how very strange others customs might seem.

Another issue I've run into is the library in the elemental complex. Originally I created the library for Carrie to find information on her purpose for being there in the Complex to begin with. But every book she opened in the original version of the novel came up with the same texts talking about the elements. I rushed through the scenes, trading quality for speed, and missed a great opportunity to immerse the reader in texts that could have spoken of the world of Anaisha or even other planets that were in the universe.

I've since then created an athenaeum - a fancy word for a library - that is stocked with manuscripts detailing other planets, galaxies, cultures and species. Carrie's act of reading through these manuscripts will give me a chance to detail the world(s) around her to the reader, breathing new life into my science fiction adventure.

All of these things add up to form a more believable world for my readers, and to help my readers relate to my characters better. From the small details like a glaze-covered mushroom, to bigger issues like the layout of a prison structure, all of these things can be used to hurt or help my story along. So far though, the revisions to Lost Birth seem to be breathing new life into an rough book.